Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
