just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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