just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We are two peas in an std pod
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
