I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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