I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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