she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i need an iv and a liver transplant
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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