he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
