FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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