Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
