Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
