I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
