Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
