So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
