If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
