i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
