You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
