I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
