She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
