Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
