believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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