if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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