Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just high enough for therapy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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