So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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