my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
