Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize