Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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