Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize