Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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