6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
