My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
