She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
