Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
