Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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