we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize