How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
