Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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