how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize