I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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