Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
