Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
