the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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