you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
