I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
