She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
