can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
