we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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