WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
they're like a gay fantastic four
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
