I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
