My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
