I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
