I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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