I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
