Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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