If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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