I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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