I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
