we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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