everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
