dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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