I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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