just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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