He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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