Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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