My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
