My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
