Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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