I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
